This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
