Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
