I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
