Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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