is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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