Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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