i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im six kinds of drunk right now
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize