you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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