I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
you never un-have a 4some
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
