sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
