you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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