dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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