I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
