I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
