so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
