C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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