we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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