Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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