How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
