i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
