2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
