Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize