Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
