Old men and throwing up are my life now.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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