Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
