Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
