Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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