just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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