I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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