so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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