I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
