he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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