Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
