failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You are a genius and a whore.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize