There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize