While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
