never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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