it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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