hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
