Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
