My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
