this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize