hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
