Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If that was your dad, he is hot
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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