so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
