Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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