She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
...so i touched it.
I've blown a few things in my day
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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