well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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