How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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