Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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