My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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