Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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