is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
