Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
