if only i could text you this smell
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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