yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
