worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
