i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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