Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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