i jhust puked up my retainher.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
