Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
