Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
