I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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