I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm too high and old for this...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
