I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
