Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
